Who pays for the Dates? Our hetero-normative society demands the man to pay for the woman on dates (dinner, movie, drinks, etc). However, how does this work on a date between men? How does age, income, and education level factor into the equation? New to this whole dating thing...

Does this mean he finally ed?

i did :)

First of all, society doesn't demand the men pay When I was younger and still thought I was straight, I dated a number of women who made more money than I did and insisted on either picking up or splitting the check. of them explained that if she did that, we could go out more often. However, most straight women are raised to EXPECT that the man will pay. It's part of their basic training training to expect to swap sex for paying the bills. (God, I know that is going to get me into trouble!) Between men, I think the who extended the invitation should be the to ask for the check, and to reach for it if the waiter just brings it. However, if your dinner companion offers to pay or split the check, you can certainly agree.

Riiiiiight. From what my straight friends tell me, when a woman offers to go dutch it means she's not interested and there will be no further dates.

My mother taught me to pick up the check, but this is a throwback to when men worked and most women didn't, so they couldn't have picked up the check anyway. And most men are taught that whether or not they get laid is a function of how much they spend on dinner because the woman knows before she leaves the house if she is having sex with him or not. That's just the way I was taught. Some of the women I dated taught me differently - some before sex, some after.

I say whoever asked pays or if you're cheap go dutch

I agree. Whoever asked, pays. It makes me think of a saying, "Mommy, give me $x so I can buy you a Mothers Day Gift." LOL

LOL, So did mine, but it was like $x or $x This was way back in the x's and for us that was a Huge deal! LOL.

I try to go with . . . whoever picks the restaurant should be the first to offer to pay . . . . .

The top always pays j/k Go dutch, or you pay for this date and he pays for the next date. Or you could both try to pay for it and have a tiff over who pays (IMHO, if someone insists a second time on paying let it go and let them pay...my mom would continue to argue, which is a frustrating process) The nifty thing about being gay is that you're free to figure it out for yourself instead of culture telling you what you should do in most instances. You could either be baffled by that and think "what a shame there's no cultural rules for me to live by" or you could celebrate that fact and think "whoopee, I get to figure things out how I feel is best, not how everyone else thinks is best". How you take it depends on whether you're a follower or a rebel. I hope you choose the rebel route...it's more fun!

Versatile, but I usually make more money If he feels awkward about me paying, I say someting like: "I'll pay for dinner, you pay for dessert and coffee in the little place down the street." or "I'll get the tab, you leave the tip." or "I'll pay for dinner if you buy me a drink at the bar we're going to." or, if we go someplace fancy: "I'll pay this time and you pay next time we go to your favorite taco place (or anywhere less expensive). Is this a bit cheesey? Sure. The point is it lets me pick up the bill for something I can easily afford while letting him save face by paying a portion.

You're versatile? *scoots closer to bigx* I tend to think that the more well-off person should maybe pay a tad more than the less well-off person, but I don't expect it.

Showing consideration is a greatly admired quality and indicator of character. Points to bigx and power_action

You're a sweety!

If you wanna see him again offer to pay and say 'you get the next one'. That implies a second date! If you dont like him and dont ever wanna go out with him again....go dutch!

It depends. Does he brag about having... four trust funds? If so, then let him pay. LOL OMG I SAW PARIS HILTON LOL

It depends. Does he brag about having... a xk? If so make sure to bring money to pay for the whole date.

I've always been kinda fem. (shocking, right?) Since the day we met, He has always acted like a gentleman and picked up the tab when it came to restaurants, bars, dates, (hotels/motels, :-) )etc....while we dated. Now as old married folk, I don't even "act" like I am attempting to pick up the check, unless its his B'day or something special. Even then all our accounts are joint accounts, so basiy we are back to him paying. Mama didn't raise no fool. Lmao, I love him!

you crack me up!

Have anyone overcome INCOME DIFFERENCES? It's a tricky situation seeing that I'm still in school with loads of debts after graduation...and many times, the guys I'm seeing are usually more established and doing pretty well for themselves. Thus the classic Catch-x: I enjoy spending time with the guy, but can't afford the places he is accustomed to, and at the same time feels bad to let him pick up the check everytime. Over time, this post a strain on the possibility of a long term relationship. Any advice?

Your integrity is an attractive quality. The concern shows more sincerity than I read in the OP (original post). Until circumstances change, please be open to people helping you and enjoy time spent together. Also know that it is equally difficult to give people assistance while showing care for their self-esteem. Sometimes we want to do nice things for others without causing guilt. Do your best, but continue to be forthright about your current position. The truthfulness will be appreciated. The person who picks up the check then knows the situation and can make accommodations as well. Best of luck.

You BOTH do. Unless you are a whore.

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