murrell
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2011-02-10 19-01-06
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whoops- here t'is- Closed Loop Relationships (Straight Spouse Network Site) At some point after the discovery or disclosure that a spouse is homosexual, some straight spouses will be asked to consider the possibility of continuing the marriage by agreeing to a “closed loop” relationship. A WHAT???? A closed loop relationship means that the husband and wife stay married, and the gay spouse has sex with an LGBT partner as well as the spouse (no, not all together, not swinging!) All participants in a closed loop relationship are faithful to each other. For the gay spouse, this is a way of having gay sex without the “cruising” and the deception. For the straight spouse, if this fits their idea of a marriage, this is a way to stay married. Sometimes the gay partner is also married. You can find more information on closed loop relationships from a gay perspective here , and here. There are a number of support groups for gay people in these relationships, and some groups will also include the straight spouse. For many straight spouses, the idea of opening up a marriage between two people to include a third person is unacceptable. For many, it just isn’t marriage if it involves a third person. Also, the request to engage in a closed loop relationship may come from the gay spouse on the heels of discovery or disclosure, when the straight person is still coping with many emotions and reactions. Communication is key to maintaining a closed loop relationship. All participants must know about each other, and be comfortable talking with each other about what is working and what is not. The straight spouse might be willing to consider a closed loop relationship in general, but perhaps not with the choice their gay spouse has made in a same sex partner. Gay people have had a while to adjust to the knowledge that they are gay, even when they come out late in life. The spouse has much less time to adjust to that reality. No one should ever present the possibility of a closed loop relationship to the straight spouse with the idea that they have to decide under pressure. The decision should be made among all the people involved. Trust, and a genuine love between the spouses is also very necessary.
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