need help how to get that old flame back in my relationship i love her and dont want to break up or have an affair persay... ive tried communicating with her, buyin outfits movies etc, nothing seems to work, shes satisfied, but i am not, i like excitement, she has no problem with the same ol vanilla sex, but i do.

and if you can;t get the flame back your going to leave her????

i would never leave her its just frustrating is all.

welcome to hell

i know, and its driving me nukin futs!!!!!

so shes the Dom

used to be i have since grown a set

you sure

positive, overly sure , she was the one to bring me out of my shell.

Well, that's not quite what he said. If he's staying, I assume the good outweighs the bad. Sex is very important, and to some, kink is a very important part of sex. But some people also like, oh, love, a close family, companionship, all kinds of other things. So it *might* be hell for him... but I wouldn't just assume that.

Does she know how important it is? It's tricky... because if you don't emphasize the importance, she might just not get it. And if you do, but she's really not into it, then she'll feel she's letting you down. So you need to find a middle ground there. How is she at the somewhat dorky approach? Like game playing? Say... one session that she gets to control entirely, and you do only what she says. She has two hours, and if she wants to start that by having you do the dishes, fine. The next time, you get your two hours, and if you want to start out with lingerie and the hell with the dishes, then you do that. I've actually done that before, and while it sounds silly, it can actually be quite erotic, especially after some time has passed, where you are really asking for *exactly* what you would like. Very revealing. I know you can buy sets of cards and things with kinky suggestions or "consequences" if you were playing a game like, oh, strip poker or something. I like to watch porn together, choose something over the top, and try to follow along. You laugh, but it's sexy too... I mean, it's hard to give suggestions for a stranger. But I think it's fair to ask outright for what you want, as long as you frame it nicely. "Our sex life is boring me to tears" isn't going to help. "You're so damn sexy I can't stop thinking about trying X with you" might work better.

lol OK, that cracked me up! Sure, I'll read your stuff... but I don't really like to tell friends that they "suck," even if they do (which you probably don't). I only do that for money. ;)

shes not really a game player, somewhat of a prude, but i am willing to try anything, i will give it a shot and let you know how it pans out.

try being ever more precise about your own kink, to yourself. you can get kink out of anything. ever seen the 'green porno' series on youtube. trust me. its worth it.

yes i have lol truly funny gave me a stiffie too

sorry

from the vanilla ..just curious are YOU buying these things. have you asked her for her opinion or to purchase any? leave little magazines out, take her by a store, etc. she will prob. be a little uncomfortable at first. I personally dont dig the movies. to fake. what is it that you are interested in?

sounds interesting, but were not "married" but i would give it a shot, shes the greatest woman i have ever met, and i dont want something as little or as big as an unhappy sex life come between th ebond weve semi built

at first I had even suggested having her peek into the dungeon and read. just to get some ideas. didnt have to post, just read. she wasnt interested in ANYTHING though. almost like she was punishing him. couldnt hurt though. on personal quesiton. you mentioned your not married. are you sure she isnt hoping you will pop the question?

she wants to get married and i would too, its just the sex thing, i dont want to go thru with the official marriage thing and have the sex issue be the thingthat tears us apart. so i hold back.

then I would definately check out the counseling thing. BUT this is coming from a boring vanilla girl at home who does her thing in the dungeon so I dont know how on track I am

id like to try the dungeon thing, never done it before sounds terribly interesting

Can I ask her age? Do you/Does she have ?

Ding! Ding! Ding! OK... this isn't true of all women, but it's true of many, and it was true for me. * Your hormones post-birth can be whack for YEARS. * Breast-feeding is intended to reduce sex drive--so you don't produce a second while still feeding the first. * It's not always a time when a woman feels very physiy attractive, if she gained weight and is now all loose and stretched. * Sleep deprivation is killer. The good news? Sex drive does come back. Really. But... it can take some time.

all i have is time, and the shower shaker in the am.

Shower shaker? What's that? I don't mean to terrify you, but my sex hormones took... maybe x years to come back? I did a good bit of faking interest during that time. Not faking orgasms, not faking love, not faking enjoyment... but faking that I wanted to get started. It was like going to the gym--you don't always want to go, but you're always glad to have g (And I don't regret that fakingbit, even if I get negged to oblivion.) But when you don't have sex drive, you don't miss it, because... you don't have it. You feel guilty and inadequate and tons of other things, sure. It's like... you don't "miss" not being sexually attracted to men (probably!) because you just aren't. I don't know if that makes sense. So to get out of a rut like that takes some effort, AND it takes a mental decision that you need to make that effort. She needs sleep, good diet, exercise, sleep, sleep, and a good diet and exercise. And sleep.

she gets sleep, i watch the baby so she can go to the gym, i help out around the house cook clean, make bottles, change diapers, everything a good man/father should. she has a sex drive, its just in first gear,

Ah, I see. I do love my shower head attachment! That's the first thing I look for in a hotel room. And I get mighty pissed off if it's not detachable. Designers, are you listening??

yes, i actually used it on an ex years ago she came like morning,.... good times.

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