So I brought up the fisting thing to my partner again, and basiy he said no. The idea of it does not turn him on and he does not think that I could accommodate a fist anyway.

Well..... We have been married for a long time. He has decided not to engage in sex any more, so I think I might have a sexual affair with some one else.

sounds like the perfect solution for your issues

Why not try letting him know exactly how you're feeling? That you're considering having an affair because of the failure to compromise you guys have?

Have you considered leaving? Also, you could fist yourself. My dude ain't turned on by fisting, either. But I somehow--for some funny reason--think having a torrid affair with another man might make things worse between us. Silly me and my odd thoughts.

I would be honest Let him know how important sexual fulfillment is for you, and what the alternatives will be if he cannot meet those needs.

Yeah, I have told him before and he does not like hearing it. I stay out pretty late some times with friends and he never questions me about where I have been. He has suggested that I have one himself. I have not done it yet. I have not been with anyone else in x years. Well, x years if you count that one time we shared a girlfriend of mine.

Welp, there you go. It's not an affair, it's a one-sided open marriage. I understand open marriages where love is there, but when each partner is out fucking others and never fucks each other--I always figure the only reason they stay together is for the health insurance, or something.

Or something like....love and commitment. When you spend a better part of your adult life building something with someone, you don't just walk away because of something like sex or the lack of it.

Hmm. I've always felt that sex is an integral part of a marriage, and a very important foundation for any relationship. Or at the very least, the mortar for the blocks ed "love" and "commitment." When two people are fully incompatible sexually, I fancy they stay together out of complacency and fear, and label these things "love" and "commitment." But what do I know.

I that settling for less because change is hard. People fear change. It's easier to stay unhappy, IMHO i couldn't do it

Wow, just, wow.

It's not about the fucking it's about feeling rejected from the one you love. and the lack of intimacy. without sex,a marriage is just x friends living together

I get what you're saying, but I don't fully agree with that. Sex is very important to some people, even to the point where they're miserable without it, or without the right "flavor" of sex for them. In those cases, that misery seems to always eventually spread to other parts of the relationship. In those cases, I ask - WHY stay together?

Not really true. Sex is very important. When the sex is bad or infrequent, it overshadows everything. When it is good, well, life goes on, and partners don't really discuss it. So it feels like (in a good marriage) that it is not that important. I agree you don't just walk away, you try your best to work it out, and in your case it may be opening the marriage. However, I want to point out that you will still have a husband who deserves your complete honesty...so keep everything in the light.

See, that little key piece of information there would've been very helpful from the start. Knowing that could've produced better, more pratical responses. If he has agreed to let you find pleasure elsewhere, problem solved!

I love it when shit works out.

I'm a sucker for happy endings myself.

I knew a sexually incompatibe couple They had a don't ask, don't tell policy for a number of years that eventually morphed into a polyamory situation where they would even have boyfriends/girlfriends meet the other. Eventually they realized that they were just not compatible and got divorced, but are still friends with each other.

You may be able to make it work then, but I would suggest a long, honest conversation. Make sure you completely understand that he is okay with you finding sex elsewhere, and he completely understands what you intend to do. Also, if you really still love him, make time to still connect with him in other ways. You can't underestimate the pull and attraction you will feel for the man who you have sex with...so think a lot about that too. It could be the beginning of the end of your marriage.

I see what you are saying, and that could all be very well and true. We do everything else together. Very loving relationship. Hugs and kisses, back rubs and foot massages. Just no sex. I love sex and masturbation. If I could have sex once a month, that would do it for me.

Any particular reason he can't or won't have sex once monthly? Health issues? Emotional problems?

It's probably hormones, emotional, and health.

probably? if it has evolved to the point of zero sex drive, why on earth hasn't he been to the doctor yet to figure out what is going on? A healthy sex drive doesn't just dry up for no good reason.

Yeah, he is getting old. It was not all of a sudden. It was a slow decline, but this last year or so, no sex at all.

by old, you mean x? because if he is under the age of ... x-ish there is no reason for his drive to dwindle out. You love your husband, right? You want him to be healthy and happy, right? If the answers are yes, why on earth are you looking to get another lover rather than being your husband's most outspoken advocate? Why aren't you doing everything you can to help him get the help he needs with this issue?

CumFunny Maybe he would like to watch me fist you.

That would be so great. I will fantasize about that while I get myself off this morning.

am in similar situation CF love my wife, have all the best of things outside the bedroom, but sex isn't part of our lives. Love her sincerely, been married a long time,,,,use to have sex xx a day for the first xyrs, then dwindled down to only once maybe xx p/year. But love her and want her,,,but do need a sexual outlet

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