Need advice Good morning all. This may belong in the relationship forum but since some of you know me an a little of my history, I'm asking you guys for advice. I mentioned recently that I stopped taking the pill. Sir and I have decided that we aren't going to actively try to get pregnant but we aren't actively deterring it either. My concerns are many, some of which we've talked about, some I haven't had the courage to bring up. I'm a brat, I love being a brat, I love the age dynamic between us. I don't know if I'm ready to be seen by Him as the mother of His . Also, how is a baby going to hinder our play? And on a more personal note, we still have our separate homes, is the baby (if it even happens) going to reside with me? Will we consolidate and all live together? I'm rambling, I'm sorry. I'm just panicking, as usual.

umm maybe consider getting married first?

its better for the

Says who? After all, this is the 21st century.

peditricians, psycholigists

I am with you of course the actual marriage certificate doesn't mean anything to a - but having loving dedicated parents makes a big difference to a . The act of marriage tends to indicate this committment - but does not guarantee anything of course.

yea thats what i mean you dont have to be married but at least living together is better for the .

yes, the comment about living in different houses is a huge red 43 that they shouldn't be considering ren - in my opinion.

exactly

my cue is denial about getting pregnant.

i beg to differ my sons father and i do not live together but that doesnt have any type of effect on our realtionship with our son and how we interact with him. we swap every other week and I work all of the time, and he does the babysitting when hes not in school... so i guess i can say that im pretty lucky

but was it always that way?

I agree w/ spark as well.. Marrige & relationships are nothing compared to having a , a marrige can end, but a is yours forever. I am old school, but the best thing my wife & I did was to wait until we knew our marrige was strong before we had . It took us x yrs to come to that point. ren are so much more emotionaly dependent on you than a spouse will ever be. I always recomend that people wait years, before having a . Get married, stay DINC's for at least years and then see where you are. are serious business. You can always divorce with little consequence when aren't involved, but once you have a , you have a job forever & ever.

says who? and for what reason? I think love and respect between partners is far more important than a certificate, and with a x% divorce rate (or whatever it is these days), marriage is hardly a guarantee of that.

then at least living together

that I would agree with, but i would say for the sake of the parents as much as the kid. It's amazing what can handle as long as there's not lots of drastic change.

It's also clear though how hard on them a separation is. So many grow up in broken homes and do just fine as adults, I know that. But... I'm going to say, Goldi, that I think about this a lot more than you do because of my age and having a kid in school. I see LOTS of and different family situations. Those withinvolved parents have an easier, smoother time, they just do. A (or parent) *can* cope with a broken home, or justparent, orloving parentsof whom has now moved to another state, etc. But why set up those difficulties in advance? Plan for the best, cope with what happens. I think that makes more sense.

not only that but it's hard for a to go to school and see their peers have something that they cannot.

I completely agree And while I may not have the parent side, I do have the teacher side, so believe me I hear ya. That said, if living separately, or together but unmarried, is what's going to last long-term that's better than forcing a situation that's going to result in a nasty split, IMO.

Of course! But don't plan a until you're ready to stay together. Even if you split later, you should at least start out intending to be together! And able to talk about the situation. That'sof my biggest red flags for her here, that they haven't talked this through yet, and she is hesitant to ask these questions. We haven't even touched on the financials yet... heard from Hercules lately?

Oooooooo! You mean me and my $xK divorce bill?

I thought it was only $xK?

You're a couple of months behind, then No he said its an ADDITIONAL xK if it goes to court.

Ah, sorry... my calculator doesn't go that high. I will try to keep up in my head! lol Perhaps you should point out though that not being legally married does not excuse either parent from financial responsibilities.

I have no other comment other than *hug!* and that sucks :(

hugs are appreciated. TY

Oh, x% yes. The plan and talking are CRUCIAL He was on yesterday :)

Agreed again! What is a going to see that he or she 'cannot have?'parents who are married but resent and hate each other? A ring and a ceremony don't mean that won't happen. We love each other very much and IF a is borne out of that love, he or she will never know anything less.

MDAH, don't misconstrue my feelings on marriage itself to be support for this plan.. I'm with Gai that there are some major concerns here. I don't have a , so I can't really speak to that and will let others do so instead, just be careful. And if you're off birth control, it WILL happen. Not maybe, not perhaps, not it might, it WILL, ready or not.

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